The Guardian summarizes the conflicted, straining mind by way of an interesting allegory.
When I finally got to the top of the mountain I asked the Guardian, “how is it that you see everything, but it is so hard to see you?” The Guardian said to me, “it’s much like trying to take a shit while distracted; you know it has to come, but because you have no focus you sit, and you sit and finally you get tired of waiting, and so you push and strain, push and pinch trying harder and harder, but still nothing, no shit. So you start to get frustrated and think, ‘no shit will ever come.’ So you push some more until finally now your stomach is upset and it’s hurting and now you sit in pain because of all the strain. Writhing back and forth you struggle, until after some time, finally, shit. But it is not a quality shit, it is a bad kind of shit and so you finally finish and now your stomach remains hurting. There has been no relief. It is in this way that it is hard to see me; too much strain, not enough patience and focus.”
Our fearless leader made a decision today. We all sat around in the office as he paced back and forth. Most of us kept our heads down, clacking away at the keyboard, as he ruminated over the decision. It was clear that it would have an effect on the office for years to come, and so really there was only one man for the job. We all waited anxiously, just happy that we didn’t have to come to a conclusion. He debated with the office manager, but sent her away (with her tail between her legs). Eventually he informed everyone that the fire extinguisher would go on the wall near the kitchenette, in a convenient spot, yet out of the way so nobody acidentally knocks into it. We were all relieved. It was the right decision.
When the fire extinguisher technician came in to install the extinguisher, Mary the office manager walked him to the spot. She said very loud and proud, Gary -he’s the president of the company- decided the extinguisher should go there, pointing to the spot.
Gary slept like a baby. We all did. I’m just glad I don’t have to make the decisions around here. I mean that’s why they get paid the big bucks. Maybe one day, I could see myself taking on the responsibility, (and cashing in the paycheck) but for now I’m just happy to follow the leader. Ba’aah.
Tonight I walked the dog at around 9 o’clock. I ran into the three Weird Sisters, who wobbled and ached, they spoke of recent doctor’s visits in between long periods of silence. Our dogs sniffed, then growled and barked. I mumbled something, but in my mind I was extremely witty and congenial.
We pulled away and walked up the sloped driveway, walked along the arterial drag passing under erubescent street lamps and into the cover of shadow. I took a couple puffs off the 8 $ mass produced glass marijuana pipe I had shoved in my jacket pocket before I left. Presently I realize little resinated nuggets tumble around in my pocket as I hide the evidence. Of course the pair of rat terriers race to the chain link fence that runs along the sidewalk, their barks like trumpets, somehow melodic. Everything’s going to be OK. Life is a myth.
So suddenly everything slows down. Thousands of frogs croak, I can feel the reverberation of their ribbed ribbiting. Some days after 9 o’clock at night you can actually watch the clouds roll by. Have I slowed down enough to watch the world pass me by? I’m a big believer in perception, in different levels of communication and understanding, I’ve crossed a line. A threshold maybe? Everything’s going to be OK. There will be a price to pay… Cancer, stroke victim, diabetes, paraplegic, Crohn’s disease, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, degenerative, decognitive… Okay so I just realized I’m liquifying into the mud, slowly trudging my thighs through until they are sludge, my torso barrels on with force pushing forward into the future. I transcend(-s, -ing, -ed). I am one. I am all. I am a puddle, a looking glass, a point in time, the infinite pivot. I am here