I’m alive, am I alive. a(lye) ive. I’m alive. a(lie) ive. am I alive. a(lye) ive. I’m alive. a(lie) ive, so a live. I’m alive, am I alive.
I sit here waiting for good things to happen, and when they finally do I don’t even think for a second that they might be because of my good actions, it’s just something good that happens to me. Instead of something that I created on the merit of my effort. I don’t give myself any credit, but for the bad, I always take credit for the bad things. Always take credit for the bad.
As it happens to me I sit here and I can’t believe, am I doing this, am I watching the blood flow right out of me, could this be how it happens. It happens. And I lie there on the floor spleen spilling out, carpet soaked. I’ve lost all filters, my stomach on the floor. Here I think, this is it, this is really happening. It happens. When you spend your whole life watching, you never live. You’ll never live again. And I think how stupid I look, laying on the floor dying, how stupid. How embarrassed am I. I didn’t hug her, like I meant. I didn’t tell him, with a look in the eyes. As it happens, I’m already dead.