Emergence

Winds blow high and hard. The sounds of the forest are at your doorstep. The sky is clear, the moon full. Orion’s belt sits in the southwesterly sky. You used to be able to make out the full archer, but not tonight. Maybe just not in this sky, you think. From some unknown depths a feeling manifests, then a thought: All we want is to be loved, to feel love and to give love. That’s not such a bad thing to chase; that feeling of love.

Today Pure Haiku is posting my haiku submission! I’m very thankful to Freya for providing us with a fun way to create more haiku! because the world needs more haiku! Freya is very talented herself as are all the other haijin that have had haiku published. Please check out my and everyone’s submission, thanks!

You can find my haiku here a little later today.

Remember when we took that drive
through the countryside. It was the 
first day of spring, though we didn't
know it at the time, we'd only found
it out later, we tried
to get lost, by taking turns
we'd never taken before.
I remember the mountainside 
winding road, you were lost 
in a text conversation and the 
kids were finally being quiet in 
the back. We took a bend and 
saw the mountainside was bare,
charred tree trunks mangled and 
the ground was black and inhospitable. 
Down the sloping hill, on the other 
side of the road, was a small town, 
which looked so similar to the mountainside;
desolate. But under the topsoil 
life was pulsating, waiting for the 
rains to erode the burnt death, for the 
seeds to stratify, and when the timing is 
right the ground would be broken with 
reemergence of green. Down the winding road, 
into the valley, upon closer look of the town, 
it too was teeming with life and the prospect
of rebuilding. Burned structures were being 
torn down, the ground cleared and a sort of 
healing taking place. This is life, i thought,
then i tried to explain my feeling and the 
sentiment to you and the kids, but it was all 
jumbled in the words and the moment. When 
are we going to eat? one of them said, and 
we began our own search for emergence
back onto a familiar road. 
  

Resistance (Practice)

Do you consider yourself to be like the definition of a word? Fixed. A standard.

I’d never thought of it this way until this morning. I was doing my morning breathing and I recognized a pattern of resistance that comes up even before I really get started. I asked myself, what is causing me to resist this moment? and it was fairly clear that I was resisting the state of mind that I was in. What is causing this state of mind? My own thoughts were causing it. Based on past failures and comparing them to past successes I’ve had a hard time settling in to a relaxed focus. Instead I get tense and end up trying to effort my way to that state (which never works and only after trying to effort my way for nearly a year have I come to the conclusion!). And so the fear that I will go through it again came up through thoughts like, you’re doing it again, you do this all the time, it’s the same thing, etc. (which is the resistance)

Do you view yourself to be like a definition? I have an image of myself that I’ve built up over the years (most of which are negative, because that’s my personality) I think we all carry an image of ourselves, some things we’re conscious of, others we’re not. And we carry this with us moment after moment it comes up, all of our history, at once, each moment. But this image is our minds way of providing a definition, it makes us a fixed point, a filter, a resistor, in which we take in reality and states of mind and we compare it to this image and either try to make reality fit, or try to struggle our way out of reality, and we look upon reality through our filters. It wasn’t until this picture did I think about how limiting this is. I am not one set of states of mind, or emotions, simply because I frequently experience those states more often than others. I have the capability to experience all emotions, the whole spectrum. So as I listen to my thoughts, believing in them, I am actively resisting the truth of the moment, narrowing my possibilities of expression. Whereas if I were to know that I encompass the whole spectrum at any given moment I can expand my mind, open to whatever difficulty or demands the situation has at present.

reality filtered through a tense, defined mind, is then projected back out.

Now as I said I define myself through negativity, and so I have a negative outlook on things, but could this same thing apply to positivity? Aren’t positive, happy states of mind better, more beneficial? Yes! but we can also limit ourselves by this image of ourselves, it just works the other way around, right? The goal should be to stop defining ourselves. How do you define yourself? This is an act of resistance, start opening up to possibilities, which allows the world, life, to flow through us so that we can better express ourselves each moment.

The more I define myself, the more I feel at home, the safer situations are and the more unique and like an individual I feel. But it is in fact restricting my ability to live freely, to experience life as it is. To understand what is coming out of the filter, I can ask, what is causing resistance, what is it that I am resisting? which is looking at the filter itself. Then I can ask what is causing resistance? and where does that come from (a thought, a belief, a feeling, a past experience; defining characteristics of my self image), what part of reality am I in conflict with, what part of my history isn’t in line with the way things are right now.

Letting the universe flow through me connecting body and mind.

From the Hara

Walking from the Hara

I stop under a willow to gaze:

Mallard drifting in frontyard pond

Asleep.

Yellow #2’s draped around me

New buds piercing through

A chance to inspect

Uniform intelligence.

Breathing from the Hara

I look into Buddha’s eyes from some dimensionless Paradise.

Heart beats to the rhythm of the crows song.

What is the space thoughts speak into.

I’m always telling stories

And always willing to listen