Resistance (Practice)

Do you consider yourself to be like the definition of a word? Fixed. A standard.

I’d never thought of it this way until this morning. I was doing my morning breathing and I recognized a pattern of resistance that comes up even before I really get started. I asked myself, what is causing me to resist this moment? and it was fairly clear that I was resisting the state of mind that I was in. What is causing this state of mind? My own thoughts were causing it. Based on past failures and comparing them to past successes I’ve had a hard time settling in to a relaxed focus. Instead I get tense and end up trying to effort my way to that state (which never works and only after trying to effort my way for nearly a year have I come to the conclusion!). And so the fear that I will go through it again came up through thoughts like, you’re doing it again, you do this all the time, it’s the same thing, etc. (which is the resistance)

Do you view yourself to be like a definition? I have an image of myself that I’ve built up over the years (most of which are negative, because that’s my personality) I think we all carry an image of ourselves, some things we’re conscious of, others we’re not. And we carry this with us moment after moment it comes up, all of our history, at once, each moment. But this image is our minds way of providing a definition, it makes us a fixed point, a filter, a resistor, in which we take in reality and states of mind and we compare it to this image and either try to make reality fit, or try to struggle our way out of reality, and we look upon reality through our filters. It wasn’t until this picture did I think about how limiting this is. I am not one set of states of mind, or emotions, simply because I frequently experience those states more often than others. I have the capability to experience all emotions, the whole spectrum. So as I listen to my thoughts, believing in them, I am actively resisting the truth of the moment, narrowing my possibilities of expression. Whereas if I were to know that I encompass the whole spectrum at any given moment I can expand my mind, open to whatever difficulty or demands the situation has at present.

reality filtered through a tense, defined mind, is then projected back out.

Now as I said I define myself through negativity, and so I have a negative outlook on things, but could this same thing apply to positivity? Aren’t positive, happy states of mind better, more beneficial? Yes! but we can also limit ourselves by this image of ourselves, it just works the other way around, right? The goal should be to stop defining ourselves. How do you define yourself? This is an act of resistance, start opening up to possibilities, which allows the world, life, to flow through us so that we can better express ourselves each moment.

The more I define myself, the more I feel at home, the safer situations are and the more unique and like an individual I feel. But it is in fact restricting my ability to live freely, to experience life as it is. To understand what is coming out of the filter, I can ask, what is causing resistance, what is it that I am resisting? which is looking at the filter itself. Then I can ask what is causing resistance? and where does that come from (a thought, a belief, a feeling, a past experience; defining characteristics of my self image), what part of reality am I in conflict with, what part of my history isn’t in line with the way things are right now.

Letting the universe flow through me connecting body and mind.